Hard Knock Life

Tears are not just salty water, it's emotion in raw form...

I found myself crying for the first time in the U tonight. I'm surprised it took this long for the emotions to set in, or the reality of it.

It's just one big quasi-reality, this whole trip to the U bit. I wish I could just go home, I wish I could raise the white flag and surrender without consequences, buy the plane ticket home and take the next plane out of here... but it's not.

My great grandmother's dream, my grandmother's dream, my mother's desire, is that we (the entire FAMILY, by family meaning the Filipino definition), all live in the U Who am I to dredge their hopes and dreams in so much muck. It is true, and let it resound over all mountains, that I have no desire to live among the denizens of the land of the free, I desire to be with my blood brothers... but I still feel the need to respect their want's and need's...

I guess I just have to wait it out here... continue my water letting from my eyes, rise again in the morning in this as of yet tedious and repetitive life style till my will brakes or I die... which ever comes first...