Seemingly Plush

Wee-wee and pee-pee can mean the same things and be different at the same time...

About time right...

XP

I write this with the confidence that either no one will read this or someone who doesn’t know who my cousin is will read this. If someone does read this and knows my cousin... I leave it to you to tell... I just think I should voice out my feelings in someway... even at the risk of actually hurting him. With that aside, I don’t want you to think that I'm being an asshole or a hypocrite, because I try not to be. I admit I'm full all flaws, but seeing others and talking about them is far, far easier than doing mine, I know what your thinking, I'm thinking it too. Asswipe...

These thoughts were triggered by a recent event. A party at my uncle and aunts place for us kids. There was alcohol; they drank heavily, like people who haven't drank in a long, long time. Things happened. People got drunk (well at least some, I’m not sure about everyone else, it may be just my cousin).

Of course you know drunken people act like themselves amplified. They gain more, well I don’t know if you can equal drunkenness with confidence, but it does appear that way. A lot of the people there were probably thinking why I wasn’t helping out getting him to calm down and shut up. I knew he wasn’t going to listen to me. He likes to think he’s strong, and in some ways a lot better than most people, like my brother actually. It’s more than pride. It’s something else. I think he'll be better off being my brother's brother. At least they would understand each other better.

It’s funny that were suppose to be of the same generation. Our birthday is only a few months apart and yet we couldn’t be anymore different. He’s an achiever, I like staying in the back ground, enjoying the occasional woot's. Then there’s religion.

I never heard anyone preach about god loving you when you were drunk. Its scary, weird and just plain wrong. I could hear a tremble in his voice too, like he was forcing himself to believe, believe that gods love wins over everything, that you don’t need anything else.

My other cousin mentioned his girlfriend, which he was just getting back at her, because she’s been having too much "fun". Like it as a bad thing... fun... is it? I’ve been having fun, does that mean I’m evil. It makes me think if he really loves her and if his "gods love you and I" speech was triggered by this conundrum in his head. I’m afraid to ask. He never listens, same way my brother never listens, same way they both like to think they have all the solutions in their heads somewhere and they just need to dig them out. Delusive self-sufficiency and emotional suicide is what it is.

But I guess I could never understand why when I refuse to discuss it with them. We just share a few laughs and a few thoughts, mainly his. I guess ill have to make do with what I’m given, observe, gather what I can, shake it in my head, talk to my other cousin about it. She probably understands him better, but I think we'd be better off if she was my sister. Ironic really.