Over One Hill and Then Another

Crossing a river twice is a necessity, doing it more than that is just dumb...

I could hardly get the energy to walk home, listening to "losing my religion". It was like something pulling me down.

I got my promotion denied today. For reasons I can hardly accept. They said they denied it because I might not stay long and they don’t want to spend money training me. Sad thing is I’ve been holding a lot of things because I don’t want it to get in the way of my work. I don’t know about you but I can’t handle training and studying for college at the same time. That’s just too much for me.

I tried not to let it get me down, but things like that have a way of working into your system. It took a while but it did. I almost hit a coworker because she burned my hand with hot oil splattering from a batch of fries that just came off the fryer. I luckily stopped myself in time and just gave a hard tap on her hat. I know its wrong, but you can hardly blame me. I think it would have been easier to accept with a different reason, maybe if they thought I wasn’t ready or that I was a little green around the ears, then again don’t know.

I’ve been waiting for that promotion, been more than a year now. I passed up a lot of things because I’ve been always happy with my work with Wendy's. It works for the now. None of the other jobs I’ve had have been this fun to me. They've been more irritating, really.

Now, I don’t even know if I'm staying. Seems like it’s not worth my time. Seems like there’s a lot more opportunities worth pursuing. Problem is I won’t be sure about those things either. I hate not being sure. I hate being unsafe.

I’m tired, battered, scrapped, overworked, beaten. I guess it’s not meant to be. I just wish that it didn’t make me feel like a complete loser, that I couldn’t even get a stupid promotion at fucking Wendy's, that a coworker that has only been working for six damn months got promoted before me. I wish that I just go away from this. I wish I was back home, where my life was just so much easier where I didn’t have to worry about these things. I wish I could just disappear even for a second.

I called my boss and took the rest of the week off. Luckily I might be feeling up to working again in a few days, or maybe jump off a bridge I don’t know. Anything to make me feel better I guess.